I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
