Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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