so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
