im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
