You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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