Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
