I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize