people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
