I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
