Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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