I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
