i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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