We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
