anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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