I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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