Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wear drunk well.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
