Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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