Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
