lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
