Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
