I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
