So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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