i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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