Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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