Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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