I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Damn victory sex feels great
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
