I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
