Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
