i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
