We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i would punch a child for taco bell
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize