You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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