apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
