I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
