I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize