the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
