also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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