I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
