Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Even my vagina gasped.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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