bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
