Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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