In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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