so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
