just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
