my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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