Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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