He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
