Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
