I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
