Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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