I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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