Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
