It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize