She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
