Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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