isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
