mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
