last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
