after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
