If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
try to milk me bitch
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