So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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