I'm gonna have a badass scar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
