i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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