Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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