You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
