um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize