Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
