I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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