I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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