We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
