never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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