why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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