It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
