I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
