Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
