too bad you live with your parents still
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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