In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
