When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
