Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
