I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
