Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wanna go halves on a baby?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
