My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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