Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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