whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize