I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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