Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
