I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize