I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
