anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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