We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
