he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
