I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
