Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
