it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
