Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
