I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
