Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
