Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
