why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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