My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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