He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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