feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize