I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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