They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
