My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
