Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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