Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
