Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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