There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
