were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
