you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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