About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
