The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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