I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
